Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Here in my car...

I have never, ever owned a really good car. People who drive around in Caddy Escalades or brand new Mustangs or Camaros are a constant source of envy for me. And I don’t see it happening anytime soon.
My very first ride was an old Dodge van, blue, riddled with rust and the kind of brakes that made you age five years every time you drove it. It was a hand-me-down from my step-dad at the time, a piece a’shit that had over 130,000 miles on it by the time it wound up in my teenage hands. It died after about a year of use.
Second vehicle: a shit-brown 1974 Chevy Malibu that I got for 300 bucks from some mullet-wearing stoner in a parking lot. It was forever leaking fluid everywhere, and the seats were so torn to shit I couldn’t get my girlfriend at the time to get in it. It also died an ignoble death and was left to rot.
That’s the car I gave to the Reverend Childe in The Bastard Hand.
Then a series of unmemorable vehicles, purchased for no other reason than I freakin’ needed a car badly and they were available.
A few years ago, I didn’t even have a car, and got everywhere I needed to be on a bicycle. Even in the dead of winter. So a friend of a friend sold me a little Honda (my soon-to-be wife, Kim, fronted me the minimal cash to buy it). This car was literally held together with bungee cords and duct tape. When it finally expired, I donated it to some car charity thing and was honestly amazed that they took it… I thought for sure they’d laugh me right out of my own driveway.
So about two years ago I finally got the car I have now, a 2001 Saturn. It seemed at first to be a good deal, but I’d had it for less than three months when it suddenly decided that going in reverse was no longer an option. You never realize how often you need to go backwards until you CAN’T anymore.
I lived with it for a long time, until just recently. Finally shelled out 2,300 fucking dollars on Kim’s credit card and now the thing drives beautifully—a completely overhauled transmission will do that. Still another year’s worth of payments to be made on the Saturn, so here’s hoping the thing holds out.
Cuz I don’t see an Escalade or a Camaro in the near future…


  1. That's a sad tale of woe, yet very funny. Isn't if strange how you think you are going forward in all aspects of life, only to have the unvierse stop you dead in your tracks, taking a most important option away. Who knew , that sometimes going backward is so important.
    Sometimes life sucks, but remember the perks also.

  2. I totally agree with the previous comment..."A sad tale of WOE, yet very funny". One sure way to appreciate something or someone is realizing their importance when you no longer have it or them. In this case, the ability to go in reverse. Very cute and fitting