Monday, April 28, 2014

Grandpa's Advice on Love

"Love is bullshit, Jimmy. Absolute worst thing you can do to yourself. Avoid it if you can. But of course, you won’t. You’ll meet some honey some day and you’ll get stars in your eyes and your heart will start pounding and you’ll get that twisty feeling in your stomach. And you’ll fall for it, like a big fat sucker. 
"But if you have any sense, you’ll listen to your grandpa, and, if you ever get stricken with that feeling, you’ll turn your ass around and run like hell. Trust me on this, Jimmy, love is the worst goddamn thing that’ll ever happen to you. It’ll tear you to pieces. It’ll make you half the man you were before. You’ll turn into a sniveling, anxious flesh-wad of anxiety and fear and doubt. 
"Your grandmother? Yeah, of course I love her. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, you little fuck. I love her like crazy. Always have— and that’s MY misfortune. I love her, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. She’s a crazy old pain in my ass and has had me jumping through emotional hoops for 60 years now. I wish I’d never met the old broad.
"So yeah. Love exists. But it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a goddamn nightmare most of the time. 
"But to hell with it. You won’t listen. No one ever does. Now shh, here comes your grandma— Hello, darling. Welcome back. You BET I love you. Say hello to your grandma, Jimmy."

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