Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Frank and Earle were best friends, and one night Earl called Frank up late and said, "Frank, I need your help, bro. There's this girl I've been trying to get to go out with me for weeks, and she finally said yes. But the thing is, she'll only do a double date, with her best friend. Can you help me out?"
Frank said, "No way, man. You want me to be this other girl's date? I don't think so."
"Don't be a dick. Come on. Please? I'll owe you a big one."
So Frank relented. He showered and dressed and met Earle downtown in front of a fancy restaurant. A few minutes later, the girls, Emily and Sophie, showed up.
Both of them were stunning, and Frank's irritation about the situation quickly vanished.
Inside, they ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu. Earle was his usual charming self, but Frank was awkward and shy, which was his usual condition. His "date" was Sophie, and it was painfully apparent she had zero interest in him. She was, however, very attentive to Earle, just as Earle's date Emily was.
Halfway through dinner, while Frank fumbled with the conversational ball, Sophie interrupted him, saying, "You know what? Emily? Let's switch men."
Emily said, "What?"
Sophie said, "This one,"-- gesturing to Frank, "isn't working for me. He's boring as fuck. And not very good-looking. Why should you have the good one?"
"No way," Emily said. "I'm not switching. Why would I do that?"
"Because. You owe me."
Whatever it was Emily owed Sophie, it was obviously big enough to have an impact, because Emily frowned angrily and snapped, "Fine." The two women stood up and traded seats. Sophie gazed adoringly at Earle, who seemed completely okay with this new development. Emily glared at Frank.
Later that night, when Earle and Frank walked the girls to the entrance of their apartment building, Sophie said, "Why don't you come up for a night cap, Earle? I'm sure Emily doesn't mind. Do you, Emily?"
Emily said, "Nope. Not at all."
So without even a glance at Frank, the three of them headed inside and let the door close right in Frank's face.
The next day, Earle called Frank on the phone. "Dude," he said. "That was the best date ever."
Frank said, "Yeah. It was fucking great, man. Time of my fucking life. Drop dead."