Thursday, February 28, 2013


Yesterday on Facebook I mentioned that the subjects that most interest me are: books, music, movies, history, philosophy and science. It's very likely that, if we aren't discussing one of those things, I'll get pretty bored within a few minutes.

That's not to say other things aren't interesting, to some degree. I often enjoy other people's personal anecdotes, depending on their story-telling skill level. One of the greatest story-tellers I ever knew was a girl named Dallas Browning-- one of my best friends, really, back when I lived in Memphis. Man, that girl could tell a story. A simple incident in her life would turn into a crazy, Faulkner-ian saga, complete with supporting characters, subplots, and subtext.

But let's face it, most of us don't have that kind of skill in oral story-telling, and very often the tales we spout grow tedious pretty quickly.

Most subjects do.

Here are some things I NEVER really want to talk about:

-Cars, dirt bikes, mopeds, and anything with an engine.
-Sports. Sorry, sports fans.
-Water heaters. And, you know, related.
-Computers. Glad I have one, don't wanna talk about them.
-Celebrities. As much as I love movies, I don't give a single fuck about the people who star in them.
-Your physical ailments. Sorry if you're feeling poorly, but unless it's life-threatening, please just say, "Fine," when I ask how you're doing.
-Reality TV.
-Your spirituality. Yes, your personal relationship with the Divine is boring as fuck.
-Your alcohol consumption and/or drug usage. Growned-up people bragging about how wasted they got last night is not only boring, it's kinda pathetic.

So there's my list. What bores you to death? And if you say "Heath Lowrance", I will hunt you down.


  1. Really? No water heaters? C'mon, are you sure? They've got all those BTU's or metric-y degrees and don't even get me started on gallons, flow and all. It's sort of like science. I certainly hope, Mr. Lowrance, that you will reconsider, at least on this one, very important, very non-boring water heater business.

  2. Dawn, I stopped reading halfway through that paragraph, sorry. Heh.

  3. A dude was talking to me the other day about his spray tan. Yawn! Then he had to go and mention golf and how he would do it naked if he could. Even that wasn't interesting. Then, as if that wasn't enough to make me want to open my wrists, he went on about his sales team at work. I soon had a headache which later turned into a full on virus that had me laying on the sofa for a day

  4. No economics talk? Not even the associated concepts of what constitutes equilibrium or if we should focus on total utility vs the goal of reducing none in our quest to increase the total? What about game theory? Sure you like a good prisoner's dilemma, right? Come on, throw me a little morsel of interest, I'm dying over here.

  5. Pretty much the same thing. I really don't care about cooking, gardening, home repairs and if you live where I do, boats. Unfortunately escaping talk about politics is impossible but I hate it. And liberal though I am the sound of Rachel Maddow's voice is akin to chalk for me.

  6. I 100% agree with your list, Heath. As I scanned down I thought we may part somewhere but, hell, I could have written this post.

  7. Heath,

    Please add anything to do with, even remotely, Justin Bieber...