Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A Disheartening Conversation...

Dude: "So you want to be a writer, eh?"

Me: "No. I AM a writer."

Dude: "I mean a PUBLISHED writer."

Me: "I AM a published writer, that's what I'm saying."

Dude: "Ah, well, self-published doesn't count, does it?"

Me: "I'm NOT self-published, man. I have a book out from an actual publisher."

Dude (frowning thoughtfully): "How come I've never heard of you, then?"

Me: "I... well, I don't know. I mean, most people haven't. It's a small press, and, um... a niche market, and all."

Dude: "Right. That's very cute."

Me: "The book has gotten very good reviews."

Dude: "Hey, we all gotta start somewhere. Don't feel bad about it."

Me: "I DON'T feel bad about it. Well, I DIDN'T, a minute ago."

Dude: "Keep following your dreams, man."

Me: "Excuse me while I go hang myself from the rafters now."

Dude: "Right on."


  1. I'm with Paulie on this one.

  2. People like that will always find a way to diminish you.
    Oh, crime fiction huh? Why don't you try your hand at stories like THE NEW YORKER publishes.

    Oh, a blog. I just wouldn't have the time.

    Oh, an ebook. Do you think anyone reads those things and if they did wouldn't they read established writers.

    Is an ebook publisher any different from vanity presses.

    I get the knife in the back whenever I open my mouth.

  3. You: Uh, say, Dude. One more thing.

    Dude: What's that, man?

    You: Just this.

    (pull trigger, Dude's brain matter splatters against wall)

  4. Some things are unavoidable, I guess... but they give you stuff to write about, anyway.

  5. You: So what do you do?
    Dude: This and that, you know, nothing much.
    You: nothing?
    Dude: actually I sell insurance, want to buy some?

  6. Everyone's a critic.

    Dude: "What do you do?"

    Me: "Right now I'm a stay at home Mom".

    Dude: "Oh, so you're unemployed."

    Me: "Have YOU ever stayed home all day with a pre-schooler?"

    Dude: "So did you ever have a 'real' job?"

    Me: "Customs agent, stained glass painter, editor for a scientific magazine, analyst at the IMF, tour guide, bookseller".

    Dude: "Oh, retail... well, at least now you get to stay home and relax..."

    Me: *groin kick*

  7. Who is this person? Was it an interview?

    My suggested response to "How come I've never heard of you, then?"

    "Well you will, as soon as you pluck your head out of your ass."

    And walk away.

    Seriously, my friend. Never, ever allow someone to demean you, or especially deflate you like that. You are, hands down, one of the best voices in fiction today. I know of what I speak. Even if you weren't, you don't need some butt-wipe, rude fuck like that to validate you.

    Make no apologies for being at the initial stages of your certain rise to literary heights. You more than have what it takes to shine amongst the big boys. They had to climb to the top, now it's your turn.

    I'll see you up there, my friend. Watch for me, k?

    Tremendous respect,

  8. Oh, where's a rooftop and an AK-47 when you need one. Sigh. What a douche :)